Ready or Not
by BleedingSaro
Summary: It's a cruel emotion, harsh and merciless. And at the same time, it's sweet and blissful and can make you go insane. IchigoxRukia
1. Chapter 1

**Ready or Not**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach. **

It wasn't something she had asked for. And quite frankly, now that it had been bestowed upon her, she would have been more than willing to give it away. Love was a human emotion, unnecessary to a shinigami like herself. But it wasn't so much the actual _emotion _that was bothering her as the person she was feeling it towards.

He was a human. Sure, a human that was _half _shinigami, but still a human. And she was a shinigami through and through. He belonged on Earth, and she belonged in the Sereitei. He had a family to take care of, and she had a duty to fulfill.

Rukia Kuchiki did not enjoy being in love. Maybe it was the fact that the one she was in love with would never return her feelings. Or maybe it was simply due to the fact that emotions were a nuisance, or the fact that being in love with him was just plain _wrong_. But no matter what the reason, she was in love. And it wasn't exactly something she could change. So she hid it. She disguised her feelings of affections, masking them with insults and cold, harsh words. And she tried to convince herself that the emotion was just a phase that would blow over in time.

But instead of dying down, her love seemed to develop further. At first it had started out as only a spark, and had grown into a greedy fire that danced and roared hungrily. A blue flame, swallowing the world around it and threatening the sanity of the mind it belonged to.

She hadn't intended for it to come at all, and in truth, it had appeared all too soon.

It happened on a Monday. A regular, boring school day. It went by in the same fashion as everyone that had come before it. The same exact monotonous routine. The same exact classes, the same hyper friends… It had been cloudy that day, and a few moments after they walked into his house, her phone had started beeping. It was just another Hollow alert, and wasn't putting off a strong signal anyway. But still, it had to be taken care of.

So, as usual, they went and hunted it down. Other than the fact that it was one of the most hideous Hollows ever, it was no different from the others. Weak, annoying, and hardly worth the effort. It took only three minutes for the boy to slash through its skull. And as usual, they turned and headed home.

_The sky seemed to be growing darker with every step they took. Far away, they could hear the distant engines of cars, but that was it. The Hollow had been far away from the city, so they had a long way to go. _

_Ichigo sighed. "They're getting weaker every day…" he said, shoving his fists in his pockets. She rolled her eyes. _

"_Don't complain. You don't want them to be too _strong, _now do you?"_

"_No." He groaned. "Still…"_

"_Hey, Ichigo, I was wondering…" her voice trailed off when she felt something cold and wet hit her cheek. Silently, her violet orbs found their way to the sky, and she stared blankly at the grey clouds above. _

_He looked first at her, and then averted his own gaze to the clouds, cursing when a raindrop hit him directly in the eye. She laughed, and then shrieked as the drops doubled in velocity. Exchanging glances, they quickly began darting towards the forest far ahead of them. _

_By the time they reached the safety of the trees and the canopy of branches above them, they were already soaked to the bone. Their clothes clung to their skin, uncomfortable and damp. She was shivering in her short school skirt. _

_The rain was now falling in heavy blankets, too thick to see three feet outside of the forest. Everything beyond them was a blur. "You ok?" he asked, seeing her trembling as she curled up at the base of a tree. She wrapped her arms around her legs and nodded, resting her chin on her knees._

"_Yeah… just cold, is all."_

_He came up and sat down beside her, so close their skin was practically touching. And that was the first time she felt that feeling. The tingling in her stomach and the crawling sensation that stretched along her skin. Immediately, she felt her cheeks grow hot and wondered if she was sick. _

_Suddenly, a loud rumbling sound echoed through the air, and she squeaked. "Ichigo… I… think we should get home," she said. He nodded and stood up. _

"_We're gonna get soaked, ya know."_

_She sighed. "We're _already _soaked." Rolling his eyes, he started running, aware of her fear of thunder. She ran at an equally fast pace, remaining a few feet away from him after their recent closeness. _

_As soon as they emerged from beneath the shelter of the trees, the rain poured down on them, cold and wet. She let out a shrill cry of surprise, even though she had known it was coming. And then her pace slowed as she remembered the feeling that had shot through her only minutes ago. What _was _that? Why had she felt so… she couldn't think of a word to describe it. _

"_Hey, hurry up."_

_She looked up to find that he had stopped, and she was walking through the grass slowly. "Huh?"_

"_Stop spacing out, let's get going."_

_Without another word, they started off again, and within minutes they were dashing along the sidewalk and passing through the streets. _

Yes, love was a troublesome emotion, and one hardly worth feeling. It was confusing, heart-warming, cold. Sometimes it was at a complete stand-still, waiting to strike at the most unexpected times. Other times it flowed freely, coursing through the world without any care who it hurt. One day it was sweet and rapturous, the next it was cold and foreboding. Sometimes it could blind you, and other times it could make you see things all too clearly.

It makes you laugh, it makes you hurt, it makes you cry, it makes you burn, it makes you happy, and it makes you sad. And it has no mercy whatsoever. And it seemed that everyone had the misfortune of feeling it.

Some wanted it. Some savored it. Some prayed for it. Some cursed it. Some hated it. Some even feared it.

For some people, it came free and easy. And for those who were less fortunate, it came at a price and could tear you apart from the inside out.

Sometimes Hell, sometimes heaven. Sometimes kept secret, and sometimes obvious.

Love was a thousand things all at once, and it came too early for her taste. It came early _and _without any warning whatsoever. And the worst part was, she didn't know how to handle it. She could continue scolding herself and trying to fight it, or, since she was already playing the game, she could try and enjoy it.

The universe had thrust it upon her, and she was at a life-changing decision. Embrace it, or shove it away? Oh, she wasn't ready to make that kind of decision. It wasn't fair that it had come so fast. She wasn't mature enough, and wasn't strong enough for it.

Yet it had come, and either way, she would have to deal with it.


	2. Ichigo

**Ready or Not**

**Chapter Two- Ichigo**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Bleach. **

Love.

The feeling of looking into someone's eyes, and knowing from the very bottom of your heart that you can trust them. The feeling that there is someone –anyone- in this world that you can truly believe in. The feeling that makes you complete, if only for a moment.

The most comforting, passionate emotion, and the most painful and heart breaking all at once. Sometimes it strikes in the blink of an eye, like a flash of lightning. Other times, it develops over while, a tiny puddle swelling to a gorging river. It can make us strong, or it can make us weak. It can be an advantage, or a disadvantage. It can take a whole heart and shatter it, or it can find a broken heart and mend it.

In truth, it happens to us all, and takes us by surprise. Sure, others have better prepared themselves for it, yet it does shock us, even in the tiniest.

And Ichigo Kurosaki _hated _it. Given the choice, he'd trade it away in the blink of an eye. He hated the fact that she was all he thought about. He hated that she was all he _dreamed _about. He hated the feeling it gave him, like a hand had reached into him and squeezed his insides. And he hated that it was such a complex emotion.

But at the same time, he rather enjoyed it. He didn't want it, but he needed it. He didn't _want _her, but he _needed _her. But he knew better. For once, he _agreed _with her. He agreed that her theory of 'emotions being pointless' was true; she wouldn't –couldn't- return those feelings.

After all, there really was no way for them to be together. For one thing, they were of different worlds. And for another, the people in _her _world, namely her long-time friend Renji and her older brother Byakuya, would _never _agree to let the two of them be together. In his case, the emotion was forbidden.

So he kept it a secret. Instead of softening up on her when he discovered those troublesome feelings, he continued to act the same; cold, stubborn, and uncaring. Despite his cool appearance though, he was dying on the inside. When they argued, and he saw that he had hurt her, he longed to apologize and comfort her, holding her close and telling her that everything was going to be ok. In truth, he was only hurting them both. Because the more he denied the feeling, the more it tore away at him, constantly threatening to take away the little remaining sanity in his mind.

He spent his days, watching her live her life and longing to tell her the truth, about how he felt towards her. And at night, he would often lie awake and stare at the ceiling, folding his arms behind his head as he remembered the day that the emotion had struck.

_It was late fall; the leaves on the branches of the trees in Karakura town had faded, from green to red, and then a honey- gold, spotted with blotches of brown. They were on their way from school one day, screaming at each other as they walked along the sidewalk. Of course, they were arguing over something stupid; something that really wasn't worth such a fuss. And both of them were too stubborn to admit that they were wrong. As usual. _

_The only difference, that day, was that they were screaming louder than usual. She was scolding him, standing on her tiptoes so that her face was barely inches away from him. And he had his arms folded across his chest, looking towards the sky and pretending that her yelling wasn't bothering him. _

_It was his fault, he knew. _He _was the one who was wrong, but as has been said, he was too thick-headed to admit it. _

_She continued yelling, and he continued ignoring her, until she stopped and sank back down, bowing her head and gripping her elbows tightly. He sent a sideways glance at her, and noticed that her shoulders were shaking, and she was fighting back sobs. _

"_Rukia, come on! I'm sorry, ok?"_

_No response. He continued staring at her with concerned eyes and walked closer, placing his hands on her shoulders. She flinched and froze for a moment before breaking down once more. "I'm so stupid…" she was saying. "I don't know why I even bother… Just forget I ever said anything, ok?" _

_She tried to twist away from his grasp, but he only tightened his grip, and she looked up into his chocolate brown eyes through bleary, tear-filled violet ones. _

"_Look, Rukia, I'm really sorry, ok? I was wrong! I shouldn't have yelled like that, and I'm really sorry!"_

_She sobbed in response, and then, much to his own surprise, she leaned against his chest, and he frowned sadly. It was, in that moment, that he realized it. 'It' as in how important she was to him. 'It' as in his feelings towards her. 'It' as in the overwhelming desire to always be there to protect her. 'It' as in his hopes that they might, one day, have the chance of actually being together. _

As far as he knew, it wasn't his _favorite _emotion, but then again, he didn't know what his favorite emotion really _was, _so love very well might have been it. All he knew was that she was important to him, and had a place in his heart, no matter what the consequences.

So, even though he would never _admit _his feelings for her publicly, he wouldn't deny them to himself.

He wasn't glad that she would never love him, nor that, even if she did, they couldn't be together, but he was in love. It was all really confusing, but _that _he was sure of. He was in love with Rukia Kuchiki, and he made a promise to himself that he would always, always be there for her, and hope that one day she might reciprocate those feelings.


	3. So Complicated

**Well, it's here, but I don't know if it's good at all. It's not a SongFic, but this chapter in particular is based off of Carolyn Dawn Johnson's **_**'So Complicated,**_**' because there has never been a song that fits IchiRuki as well as that one. **

**Also, a note to my regular readers, I'm on pause. Lately, I've been busy doing collabs with God's Angel (check her out, she's an awesome writer). Anyway, if you would, please tell me which of my stories I should update first (anything that starts with the number '10' or '20' doesn't count.)**

**Please enjoy. **

It's not hard to come by. It's everywhere we look, and even in the places that we don't look. Sometimes it's obvious, written upon a stranger's face. Sometimes it's hidden, often behind a smirk or scowl. Sometimes it's disguised, masked by insults and curses.

In Rukia Kuchiki's case, love is the latter.

Weeks had gone by since she discovered her feelings for him. As the days came and went, the feeling grew stronger, and she did her best to keep it a secret, hidden from everyone around her. The insults doubled, often coming at inappropriate times, leaving a stunned Ichigo to stare after her wide-eyed as she turned away, praying that what she was really feeling wasn't shown on her face.

Every time she turned a corner, every time she walked into his room, or vice versa, her first instinct was to run and hide. Ever since she discovered her feelings, things had changed. Drastically. The rare smile from him no longer simply made her want to smile; now it made her want to _cry. _Sitting beside him in the same classrooms everyday was now torture, enough to make her heart flutter in her chest. A brush of shoulders, now enough to make her head spin.

It was, to say the least, frustrating. It killed her to see the look of shock on his face when she snapped at him for no reason. It killed her to not know what to do.

She could tell him… But then again, the chances that he would love her back… Slim to none.

She could _not _tell him and keep it a secret. But would that honestly make her feel any better? Doubtable.

She couldn't confess, she knew that. For one thing, he might not reciprocate those feelings. For another, it was forbidden. But if she didn't tell him? What would that help? Bottling it up inside wasn't going to make her feel any less confused. Keeping it a secret wasn't going to let her find out if he loved her back. Never saying anything, and continuing to scream at him every time she got the chance… Yeah, that would do _wonders _for any relationship they had, or a relationship that might one day come.

Should she lie? Surely not, seeing as lying never did any good for anyone. But then again, telling the truth seemed like an impossible thing to do… But why? Was it because she feared being hurt? Because she didn't want her heart to get stomped on?

_If you don't give your heart away, then there's no way for anyone to break it. _

But already it was a bit too late for that. He had won her over ages ago… Ages that only seemed longer with each scream.

Was she afraid that, should she tell him, she would be too embarrassed to look at him again? The thought of not being able to get lost in her eyes terrified her, so she figured that this was the reason for keeping her secret locked inside.

She wanted him to know, more than anything in the world. But at the same time, him knowing sounded like a catastrophe in the making. The whole thing was, in an understatement, complicated, and it came as no surprise that people cried over it, locked themselves in their room over it, grown cold over it…

It seemed to be taking years off of her life by the minute. Sometimes, when she finished putting up walls around herself, and she let herself believe that she had everything under control, he would come up to her, say something, or look at her in a way that made everything –all the walls that she had built up with enough caution to almost kill her- come crashing back down once more.

When she thought she was at her strongest, the simplest things seemed enough to torture her into another fit of insults, screams, and more unshed tears.

She'd heard it before, from seemingly everyone who knew her, (except for Renji, who would _never _tell her this, even if she asked him straight to his face). According to others, she had to be blind. 'He loves you', they'd say. Or, 'Oh, you must be insane. He talks about you _all _the time!'

So why not, she asked herself, tell her straight up? If he felt that way, why not tell her? She wished, from the bottom of her heart, that he would tell her, so she could tell him that she felt the same way. But… what if his answer wasn't yes? No doubt that that would only break her down a little more, bringing her right back to the beginning, lost and left without a single hope in the world…

Everything she felt for him was questionable… What if, theoretically speaking, it was just a phase? When would it pass, and why had it been brought about?

The feelings inside her seem to complicate themselves, driving her closer to the edge with every breath she took. All day long, it was like having someone sink a fist into her stomach, leaving her breathless and stunned. It was torture, and in short, she hated it with every fiber of her soul.

She longed to hold him, to never let him go. And at the same time, she wanted nothing more than to push him away and make him leave. But she wanted to make him stay as well… The whole situation was a mess… Wrong vs. Right, Fear vs. Loss…

Had she not waited forever for someone like him? And now, when he was standing there, right in front of her, she couldn't even tell him how she felt.

What should she do? Surely he didn't feel the same way towards her as she felt towards him. 

Though, come to think of it, she _had _seen him watching her out of the corner of his eye before. But surely it wasn't anything… Maybe he was just concerned… bored, even. Yes, that had to be it.

But maybe… maybe he didn't love her. _Yet. _Maybe one day, if she had patience and tried to lighten up, he would love her. And as she looked at him, for the millionth time that day, she smiled to herself, and knew what she had to do. She'd wait –forever, if she had to-.


End file.
